Ark of the Covenant

So I just saw this ad on MSN Messenger that said, “Is the Lost Ark Found?” And I thought, “Hmm, that’s interesting. If this ark were found, it would most likely be justified as credential that Christianity is true, whereas if we found an ancient artifact of some other religion, we’d think, “Weird, people at one time actually believed this was something significant.”

From motive to result

Whatever people do, no matter how rational or irrational, there is always a motive. And that’s what should be focused on because a lot can become convoluted and/or distorted between the motive and the result.

Late night epiphany

As I was going to bed (trying to sleep) this came to me, clear as day, but now I’ve forgotten most of it. I knew I should have written it right then and there, but it was like, one in the morning. I thought considering how profound it was I couldn’t possibly forget it. Well, I kinda did. So now, I’ll just have to write fragments of it.

It was slightly influenced by I ♥ Huckabees as well as my post, The life we choose? It mainly had to do with the “two sides of the fence” predicament and the impossibility of having things both ways. So, I’ll just write these fragments and see how this turns out.

If we are realists, we are jaded. If we are idealists, we are delusional.

If we believe that we can choose what life we have, we are delusional and we’ll be frustrated when things we can’t control get in our way. But if we believe we can’t control our lives, it affects the decisions we would otherwise make if we did believe we had control, and changes what we could achieve…in spite of being more realistic.

Atheism is realistic, religion is idealistic.

But if atheists don’t have some optimistic (or idealistic) way of thinking (like secular humanism), then they will be stuck in realism and, consequently, jaded or perhaps become nihilists.

If religious people keep their beliefs but negate they way things really are, then they are stuck in delusion.

In the realm of religion, if Christians think theirs is the only correct religion, then they negate the fact that Christianity has no relevance in other cultures or that other religions existed before Christianity. If, in acknowledgement to this, Christians believe that all religions are correct as relevant to respective cultures, then they can’t really believe that Christianity is correct. And from this, there are two ways to go: keep believing in Christianity in spite of what they’ve realized, or become an atheist (or at least an agnostic or perhaps nihilist).

Well, that kind of stays a bit from the epiphany. What I felt I’d realized was the notion that indeed all religions (or even secular ways of thinking) do lead to one creator. But we can’t believe that all religions lead to the same creator in the same way we can’t believe that we control our lives while simultaneously believing that we can’t. In the same way we can’t be realistic while simultaneously being idealistic.

I have lived a life of delusion. And for a long time I’ve been looking for balance, a happy medium. But there is none. Just oscillation from one extreme to the other. The “happy” medium is apathy and indifference.

So while I’ve come to realism and have seen my inability to control my life, I don’t like the view that comes with it.

So, in spite of my realizations, I’ll maintain the attitude that I do have control of my life in order to benefit from the decisions and achievements in believing such.

In this, I acknowledge my hypocrisy. But if we’re to have things both ways, we have to be hypocrites. Because no one can take everything that comes with one side.

Killdeer Decrees

Martin Campbell should have exclusive rights to direct James Bond movies from here on out. (Directed Goldeneye and Casino Royale)

Danny Elfman should have exclusive rights to compose all comic book movie soundtracks. (Did soundtracks for Batman, Batman Returns, Spider-man 1 & 2, Hulk, and likely more, I haven’t checked.) …Well, I suppose John Williams had a good theme for Superman. But other than that, Danny Elfman.

Those are my decrees.

2046....part 2

If someone wants to leave 2046,

how long will it take?

Some people get away
fairly easily

Others find that it takes
them much longer

I forget how long I've been
on this train

I start to feel very lonely


- excerpt from 2046, a film by Wong Kar Wai

The part

You suppose people look the part because others expect them to play the part they look?

Er…progress

You know like, when you want to go somewhere, and you get into your car, adjust your seat, check your mirrors, you get your seatbelt on…you’re ready to go. But when you put your foot on the gas, you don’t go anywhere? You know you’re missing something. There’s something else that has to be done before you can go. Then you realize you forgot something stupid like, you didn’t put the car in gear, or you still have the emergency brake on.

That’s a bit how I’ve been feeling lately. I’ve been in Tacoma now for about 10 months and although I’ve been making progress preparing for the teaching program (got my reading and writing tests out of the way, fingerprints done, CPR/First Aid class signed up for, math and biology tests on the way, and one of my three letters of recommendation turned in), I still feel like I’m not getting anywhere. Like there’s something right under my nose that I’m not seeing.

In this case, I would mean I’m missing opportunities during my time here in Tacoma. Although, just being here in Tacoma has given me opportunities in pursuing the teaching program. Like I said in some earlier post, I’m near the only two schools in the state that give a conditional loan scholarship towards my tuition. And if there are other opportunities I could go after, then…well, it just seems like that could always happen and if I kept chasing opportunities, I’ll never finish what I started.

And, as it turns out, there was one such opportunity. A position finally opened up in the international field at a nearby community college. It was a part-time clerical job, but it would have been a foot in the door for the field I wanted to be in…10 months ago. But I am so far along in getting into the teaching program, that unless this part-time job could really lead to something permanent and career-like, I couldn’t see a good reason to change course, even though it would mean getting a job now.

I guess this is another hard lesson in timing. Had this job been open seven months ago, or like, even back in the Fall, I’d have been much more excited about it and would have pursued it actively. Because at that time, I still wanted to be in that field. And I'd have had more time to stay in this place that I’m house-sitting.

Now that my mind has been set on teaching (even if the process is getting tedious), it’s difficult to suddenly want to change back. So, I guess that means I don’t want to change back, even though it would give me instant gratification of having a job that could lead to something permanent, instead of waiting another year before I become a teacher.

I don’t know. I still see more promise and value in becoming a biology teacher, even if I’m afraid I’ll look like a fool in front of a firing squad of twenty-some-odd students. But I guess that will push me to become better at what I do, like teaching English made me better at grammar. And that ensures my job won’t get tiring…Well, it will get tiring, but, I mean, it won’t get boring.

Ugh. There’s something else I forgot to mention. I’d been arranging to take the prerequisite tests (Basic skills tests - reading writing math, biology test, and GRE) in the order of importance. Like, I can get my teaching certificate with the basic skills test and the biology test. The GRE is gravy so I can get a Masters in Teaching. So, I was saving the GRE for last. Well, unfortunately, The GRE is only offered twice a year and I’ve missed them both. That’s a big set-back because that’s a difference in $10,000/year not having the Masters.

Well, I don’t want to dwell on this. It’s not simply about the money that made me want to pursue teaching. It was the opportunities. I just hope these opportunities will still be important to me by the time I get to the finish line. I think they will.

Focal point

Another post where I’m not quite sure how to start it so I’ll just start typing and see what happens.

Um, this has been turning in my head lately so I’d like to write it out. Maybe this is a bit related to “Motivation from what we want vs. what we don’t want”.

I suppose I’ll begin with the statement that someone told me a few years ago, “It’s important to be in a relationship.” I just remember thinking, “Why?” I mean, really, I wanted to know. The guy just said it like it was a given and didn’t need any explanation. But it was not so inherent to me based on what I’d seen in people’s relationships (see The Method to my Madness).

But I think my problem with that statement now is that it’s really focused on the wrong thing. Because it focuses on the relationship rather than the person you’re having the relationship with. It’s like saying, “Friendships are important.” Well, yes, but isn’t who you’re friends with more important than the friendship itself?

I don’t have a friend just for the sake of having a friendship. The friends I have I keep because they mean something to me, not because the friendships mean something to me. And I would also add that I don’t stay friends with them because of some contractual obligation (see also Proposal for an alternative marriage setup).

I say this because from what I see (and what I seem to hear from women) is that relationships tend to take higher priority than the happiness of the actual people in the relationship. This is something I cannot understand.

Unicru reprise

I’m getting more hits on my blog from people looking for info on unicru (See my earlier post). I told you this was going to become a problem. Click here to see a google search result of “pass unicru test”.

See also my possible strategies to pass the unicru test.

I ♥ Huckabees

This is my new fav. I won’t talk much about the film. I just recommend you check it out. And certainly watch the director's commentary.

Interesting the timing of watching this movie. It came out in 2004. But had I watched this any earlier than a few weeks ago…well, it’s building on recent realizations that have been forming over the course of the last year or so.