Focal point

Another post where I’m not quite sure how to start it so I’ll just start typing and see what happens.

Um, this has been turning in my head lately so I’d like to write it out. Maybe this is a bit related to “Motivation from what we want vs. what we don’t want”.

I suppose I’ll begin with the statement that someone told me a few years ago, “It’s important to be in a relationship.” I just remember thinking, “Why?” I mean, really, I wanted to know. The guy just said it like it was a given and didn’t need any explanation. But it was not so inherent to me based on what I’d seen in people’s relationships (see The Method to my Madness).

But I think my problem with that statement now is that it’s really focused on the wrong thing. Because it focuses on the relationship rather than the person you’re having the relationship with. It’s like saying, “Friendships are important.” Well, yes, but isn’t who you’re friends with more important than the friendship itself?

I don’t have a friend just for the sake of having a friendship. The friends I have I keep because they mean something to me, not because the friendships mean something to me. And I would also add that I don’t stay friends with them because of some contractual obligation (see also Proposal for an alternative marriage setup).

I say this because from what I see (and what I seem to hear from women) is that relationships tend to take higher priority than the happiness of the actual people in the relationship. This is something I cannot understand.