Coincidence?

So, I updated my profile a bit and went ahead and allowed my astrological and zodiac signs to be displayed. Then, out of curiosity looked up the significance of being born the year of the snake. I found this website and, um...well it’s weird how much of this is accurate. Click here for the website.

And click here for the main page in case you want to look up your animal. (You'll have to scroll down a little once the page comes up.)

Acceptance interview

Ok, enough with the deep thoughts. So, like, I had my acceptance interview for the teaching program last Wednesday. I’m not sure what that means, acceptance interview. Like, whether that means the interview determines my acceptance or if it means by being interviewed at all already means I’m being accepted. I’m thinking it may be closer to the latter.

It kind of reminded me of the JET interview I did before going to Japan. It was such a process just to get to that interview that by the time you got there, they’d already eliminated everyone else. The interview was more of a formality to make sure you were still intent on proceeding.

That’s kind of what this one was like. I’ve been in contact with the program director since November and I’ve been checking off boxes for the application process since that time.

The interview itself was something interesting. I met with the director and the dean. And…it was nice to be able to answer their questions honestly, you know? I didn’t have to be deceptive in any way. I could say that I intended to become a teacher and stay in that profession indefinitely and really mean it. I was able to be honest about my weaknesses without it hurting my chances of being accepted. It was nice.

I’ll find out in a week or so if I officially made it into the program. I still have some things pending, namely the biology content test next month and, as it turns out, there is still a chance for me to take the GRE so I can get the Masters in Teaching…which is better to have in this area.

Anyway, that’s the news.

The magnitude scale of romanticism

Romantic → Crazy → Stupid → Hurtful → Destructive

Expectation and experience

The further removed experience is from expectation, the less you trust the one(s) who set you up with the expectation.

Disqualifying the previous two posts: The coexistence of volition and predestination

Part 3

The preceding two posts are completely false…yet they are true. I can’t explain it.

I finally understand the doctrine of divine decrees (regarding predestination) and why Calvinism is wrong (yet the confusion is understandable as explained in my previous posts). I see it clearly in spite of the fact I’ve not believed in God for seven years now (another example of needing to be on the other side to see things clearly).

Those who wrote the Bible were certainly intelligent people, but the book was not God-inspired. The stories are myths to illustrate what can be observed in nature.

In spite of being able to make educated guesses about the future, we really can’t see the future, but the notion that someone (God) can justifies the idea that everything “follows a set path”…which is true, but it’s something we can only know in hindsight, whereas in religion (Christianity) we can take comfort in believing it was known before the fact and destined to happen.

It’s like, predestination is true, but you have to not believe it in order for it to be true.

You have to believe you have a choice, whether it’s true or not.


What I'm saying is not something to trust or believe in. You have to see it for yourself.

Back to Part 1

Qualifying the previous post: Using probability based on predicable human behavior to see the future

Part 2

I should clarify some things from Part 1. It’s not so much that you can see into the future. It’s more looking at probabilities based on your own (or others’) tendencies given particular scenarios. Actually, it’s more difficult to predict your own future, but it should be easier. But that’s only if you know yourself.

The easiest illustration is, again, poker. You can’t predict what the dealer will turn up on the flop, but you can predict the decisions you (or others you know well) will make in certain circumstances. That’s what I mean when I say “see into the future”.

As for following a set “path”, really, there is a complexity of interactions between people and events in life that people simplify by calling it fate or a greater plan. But as I said before, what you believe has influence on the decisions you make. If you believe you have no control of things, you’ll make your decisions accordingly and might not accomplish what you could have had you believed you did have control.

I guess what you have to do is realize when an opportunity is actually there (a path set before you out of the complexity of interactions) and when there isn’t and you just want there to be one.

If the opportunity is there and you choose to follow it, then you feel in control. If you imagine there’s an opportunity when there isn’t, then you’ll see you’re not in control. If you continue to see hope for that opportunity that isn’t really there, then you are delusional.

Well, this is giving me a bit of a headache, so I’ll close with this. You can’t know everything ahead of time. Sometimes you just need to know enough before proceeding.

Continue to Part 3

Seeing into the future, hindsight, and backlash

Part 1

INT. PHYSICS CLASS - DAY (2 P.M.)

Donnie and Dr. Monnitoff are having another in-depth
conversation.

DR. MONNITOFF
Each vessel travels along a vector path
through space-time... along its centre of
gravity.

DONNIE
(to himself)
Like a spear.

DR. MONNITOFF
Beg pardon?

DONNIE
Like a spear that comes out of your
stomach?

DR. MONNITOFF
Uhh... sure. And in order for the vessel
to travel through time it must find the
portal, in this case the wormhole, or
some unforeseen portal that lies
undiscovered.

DONNIE
Could these wormholes appear in nature?

DR. MONNITOFF
That... is highly unlikely. You're talking
about an act of God.

DONNIE
If God controls time... then all time is
pre-decided. Then every living thing
travels along a set path.

DR. MONNITOFF
I'm not following you.

DONNIE
If you could see your path or channel
growing out of your stomach, you could see
into the future. And that's a form of
time travel, right?

DR. MONNITOFF
You are contradicting yourself, Donnie. If
we could see our destines manifest
themselves visually... then we would be
given the choice to betray our chosen
destinies. The very fact that this choice
exists... would mean that all pre-formed
destiny would end.

DONNIE
Not if you chose to stay within God's
channel...

- excerpt from Donnie Darko (according to script-o-rama.com)



There is some truth to what Donnie is saying. Even when you can see your own future, you don’t change it. And it’s interesting, your backlash when what you knew would happen comes to past.

There have been several instances in my life where I could predict outcomes of my actions ahead of time (years ahead of time in some cases), and even when those outcomes were detrimental I didn’t stop myself. And I would kick and scream is if I had no idea of the consequences.

And look at Christianity (since the quote involves God). Jesus knew he’d die on the cross and be forsaken by His Father, but he screamed anyway asking, “My God My God, why have you forsaken me?”

Stupid, isn’t it? But what can we do about it? To change our futures is really to change who we are, and that’s quite difficult. Every time I try to change it feels too forced. It feels like I’m trying to be someone else. And yet I don’t like where I’m headed, partly because I know I’m not in complete control, but also because I can see where I’ll be in the end. And I’ve tried to break out and find a different path, but there is none. There is only what’s in front of me and what’s behind me.

That’s not to say that I don’t want what’s ahead of me. Nor to say that I want what is behind me. It’s just, I like it better when what I want was a choice among several options…not because it was my only option.

I’ll have to trust that there is more in front of me that I can’t see yet.

Continue to Part 2

Two sides

It’s not just how you perceive the world, but also how the world perceives you. Both have to be considered in understanding who you are.

This is along the same line as The part.

What doesn’t kill you…

I’ve considered other ways to end this saying as I’m not entirely sure I agree with the commonly used ending. So here are a few I’ve come up with:

What doesn’t kill you…

…makes you wish it did.

…brings you that much closer to death.

…leaves you for dead.

…might kill someone else.

… …

Ok, I think that’s all I can think of. Maybe a bit morbid, but when you’re down, what else can you do but laugh at it? At any rate, I don’t think you get stronger from things that bring you down. I think that the strength comes from your own drive and willpower to bring yourself back up after you’ve been pushed down. Otherwise you’ll stay down by what brought you there.


…Of course, I should mention that at times, you need help getting back up. I don’t mean to negate that. But I still maintain that you need the will to get back up in order to be able to even ask for help.

Under the Milky Way

I had this song stuck in my head recently. I’m not sure why. I’d liked this song a lot when I first heard it some years back. But why would it come to me now? I hadn’t heard it in a long time…hadn’t I? Well, at any rate I thought I’ll have to find out who sings it so I can get the song.

Yesterday, I received my long-awaited Donnie Darko CD import. Track 3 on disc 1 was “Under the Milky Way” by The Church. The song that had been stuck in my head. I don’t remember consciously knowing this song was on the soundtrack…not when I ordered a few weeks ago (before the song got stuck in my head), nor do I really recall it being in the movie when I watched a few months ago. But I must have known on some level.

It kind of reminds me of when, like, you start humming this song or you hear it in your head, and it’s a little while later you realize it’s playing on the radio. It’s just, you’re in a department store or restaurant so you can’t really hear it over the noises and conversations around you. But it still makes its way into your head before you consciously hear it.

Anyway, I felt like writing that.

“Sir?”

I was going to write this a while ago, but I kind of forgot about it until I was reminded, like, yesterday or a few days ago. For the past several months (well, with some intervals, hence my forgetting) people have been addressing me as “sir”. And I’m not just talking about customer service formality. I’m talking about just everyday people on the street who want to ask me a question. Like, “Excuse me, sir. Do you know what time it is?” Or “Excuse me, sir. Are you using this chair?’”

Granted, these people are younger than me, but it’s just, I don’t really look at myself as someone who should be called “sir”. I prefer to talk to people on an equal level. To see people as people. I’m not comfortable with the idea of being put at some status that is above others.

On a similar note (or maybe because of this note), I’ve been considering what I might want my students to call me when I become a teacher. You know, like, by my first name or Mr. + last name.

When I taught in Japan, I felt too young to be called Mr. so and so. Plus there was the problem of pronouncing my last name. It would have sounded like “I Shi-to”. Or in Taiwan, “I shi-ta” both of which sound uncomfortably close to “I shit.”

There won’t be this pronunciation problem in America, but I’m still not sure what I’d prefer. If I insist to be called by my first name, it might seem I’m refusing to acknowledge that I’m older and in a position of authority. It might also seem like I’m trying to be cool allowing my students to call me by my first name. On the other hand, if I insist to be called Mr. last name, then it might seem I’m demanding that the students acknowledge my position of authority, or that I might be demanding respect.

I’ve noticed that people who demand respect simply because of their status or position generally don’t get it. But I’ve also noticed (when I was a student) that I was never comfortable calling my teachers by their first name, especially (and perhaps ironically) the older I got and the closer in age I got to my instructors (like in college). They wanted to acknowledge that college students were adults, but I wanted to acknowledge a separation between instructor and student.

Well, I don’t know. I think the answer is already clear to me. In fact I’ve pretty much already decided to leave it to the students to decide what to call me.

Hmm…this post kind of went in a different direction than I had initially planned. I was going to tie this concept of being called sir when I didn’t want or expect to with the general irony of being on the other side of what you want.

Or, that’s the way I put it. I think most others put it as "what you want is always on the other side". I think I had meant to write a post about that concept and how to deal with it. Although I think I did a bit when I wrote a proposal for an alternative marriage.

But I was also just thinking about how it seems I’m passively being put in a different place in my life. I’ve described it to others as being pushed up the ladder instead of climbing the ladder. It’s just, um…It’s just very counter to what I ranted about in Season 2 with being active instead of passive. But that was back when I thought I was in control of things. Everything has changed now. I’m tired of fighting the way I did then. And really, why fight in this case if by being passive, I’m still being pushed up to a higher energy state?

Hmm…let me find that post that I wrote…Ah, here it is.

Ok, yeah… Wow… Ok, I have to say, I never wanted to re-post this… But, anyway, yeah, I guess I had come to these conclusions before.

Well that’s probably enough to write for this post.