between the worst I've ever been and the best I ever will be

2008-11-30T18:32:00.000-08:00

2046....part 3

2008-11-29T17:31:00.000-08:00

Whenever anyone asked why I left 2046, I gave them some vague answer

Before...

...when people had secrets they didn't want to share

...they'd climb a mountain

...They'd find a tree and carve a hole in it

...and whisper the secret into the hole

...Then cover it over with mud

That way, nobody else would ever discover it.

- excerpt from 2046, a film by Wong Kar Wai

Back in Seattle again…again

2008-11-29T17:20:00.000-08:00

Well, I’ve made it down. I left Friday Harbor last Tuesday and am settling into the house I’ll be watching for the next month. So far things are looking good. The house is really nice. It has a lot of light and is in a good location in Seattle. Really easy to get around by bus. Also, it’ll be right across the street from one of Sound Transit’s light rail stations (of course, I’ll be living somewhere else by the time it’s up and running, but it’s still cool).

On Thursday, I went to my friends’ house in Redmond to have Thanksgiving dinner, which was really nice. I was glad to see them again.

On Friday (yesterday) I got a call back from one of the bookstores I’d mailed applications to from Friday Harbor. I’ll be interviewing with them in a few days. So, we’ll see how that goes.

Anyway, yeah. This about ends Season 3 of the Killdeer Chronicles. Season 4 will begin within the next few days. I’ll post a link when it’s ready.

End of the line

2008-11-18T12:24:00.000-08:00

Well, it seems nothing is lining up for me here in Friday Harbor. So I’m off again to relocate. A friend of a friend in Seattle needs a house sitter for a month. The timing is perfect and the opportunity is great as it will be another chance for me to establish myself in Seattle.

While I couldn’t find any prospects here in Friday Harbor, I have to say this has been the best part of Limbo I’ve been in since my return from Taiwan over a year and a half ago.

Being isolated from the rest of the world (while simultaneously living with one of my best friends) and having very little in the way of material possessions or comforts, I’ve been able to see (again for the first time) what’s really important in life.

So my time was not spent idly. As when I’d returned from Japan in 2005, I’ve once again accomplished more in transition than I ever have when I was settled.

Path of books

2008-11-13T19:58:00.000-08:00

The Deviant’s Advantage -> Amusing Ourselves to Death -> Four Arguments for the Elimination of Television -> 1984 -> Brave New World -> Ishmael

Are HIV and AIDS real?

2008-11-06T22:43:00.000-08:00

I’m not sure why, but it just kind of hit me the other day that…well, that there was a lot to be suspicious about regarding the AIDS pandemic.

What struck me first of all, is that in the 22 years since I’d first learned about AIDS, I haven’t known anyone who has contracted AIDS (or HIV), much less died from it. I mean, through 6 degrees of separation, and in that amount of time, I should know someone who has HIV/AIDS, or at least know someone who knows someone who has it.

In that same amount of time (less, really), I’ve known at least five people who have had cancer. Considering the means by which HIV is acquired, it should be much more ubiquitous. Of course, the means by which HIV is acquired also has negative social implications, which could explain why few of us would catch wind of it. (But even so, since the disease has no cure and is life-threatening, the what-have-you would hit the fan eventually.)

I’m still looking for an article I read some time ago from a scientific study that suggests that people’s sexual behavior (what is considered the high risk variety) hasn’t changed significantly in the time since we’ve first learned of AIDS. I’ll keep trying to look for it. But I did argue in my theory behind STD proliferation that it was futile to try to objectively track peoples’ sexual behavior. It’s just not a topic that can be openly discussed in objective, honest terms.

But the reason I bring that article up is that, if it is true that sexual behavior hasn’t changed significantly over the last 20+ years, then, indeed, HIV/AIDS would be a pandemic by now, and socially acceptable or not, we would most likely know someone firsthand who has it or has died from it.

The timing of when AIDS was discovered is also a bit interesting; the early 1980s (in other words, the post-1960s/70s). Most STDs (like syphilis and gonorrhea) have been with the human race a long time. They co-evolved with humans and found their ecological niche in a demographic that would suit them best; one in which people would frequently change sexual partners (see this article for a good explanation os STD ecological niches). In the mutual exclusion principle of ecological niches, no two organisms can occupy the same niche because they would compete for resources and one species would overcome the other for survival.

Now if the sexual behavior of people in the ‘60s and ‘70s was significantly riskier than previous periods in history (I highly doubt it), then that could have reduced the competition between various STDs and opened a niche for AIDS. That’s kind of what I suggested in my STD proliferation theory. Then the outbreak of AIDS would be a simple cause and effect scenario. A consequence of the behavior in the ‘60s and ‘70s.

It’s possible. But, again, there would need to be more evidence of the presence of HIV and AIDS. So I’m suggesting that there is another possibility to the timing of the discovery of AIDS (and why there would be enthusiasm to educate the world about AIDS over other STDs at that time).

The morality that became part of the social construct in the ‘80s would have shown favor for a disease that has consequences for...Hmm...No. This isn’t adding up. What I was going to say is that in essence, HIV and AIDS was invented to inhibit the behavior that went on in the ‘60s and ‘70s so as to help induce the moral standards of those in power at the time. (After all, the ‘80s was like another ‘50s era.)

But the amount of people that would have to be a part of that kind of conspiracy (the worldwide medical community) is just not fathomable. Also, since AIDS is seen to have originated in Africa, it would be no consequence of the ‘60’s and ‘70s (here in the US).

I don’t know. It just seems that the demographic that AIDS affected would have been an ideal leveraging tool to create a social construct in the ‘80s. Perhaps HIV and AIDS are real, but it was blown out of proportion by our leaders to modify our behavior through fear.

That angle aside, even the medical community seems to be having a difficult time agreeing on whether HIV and AIDS are real, or, if they are real, whether they are as fatal as originally thought.

Perhaps HIV and AIDS are real but something the medical community doesn’t have a full grasp on... not unlike consumption (TB) in the past.

Well, that’s all I’ll write for now. I may add more later. For now, I’ll leave a few websites on this topic.

AIDS a Myth? (H-Africa)

AIDS threat: myth or reality? (Wall Street Journal)

Not at the bottom yet

2008-10-24T18:06:00.000-07:00

Well, I feel like I should write something, but I’m not quite sure what to write. I kind of still wanted my blog to be in intermission, but it’s a bit late in the season for that. (Weird…now the seasons are somewhat inhibiting for my blog.)

Um, I would write what I’ve been doing, what didn’t work out, and what my plans are now, but I just…don’t feel like it. I’m kind of tired of writing about what isn’t working out for me.

I can’t seem to find my place here. I can’t see where I fit in. It’s feeling like it was a mistake to come back to the US. But I also know that I couldn’t have stayed where I was. It’s easy to wonder now why I didn’t just take the private lesson that was offered to me, that would have made living financially easier, when I was still in Taiwan. But I knew at the time that that wouldn’t have been enough. Even if I could’ve made more money with teaching, there just wasn’t anything holding me to Taiwan. I know why I came back and, for the most part, I’m happy to be back in the US.

I want to be settled. I want to stay in one place. But it seems the more I want that, the more I’m forced to keep moving somewhere else.

Part of me feels like I’m heading into a downward spiral to nowhere. But part of me also feels like I’m heading towards something important and meaningful.

Fierce Creatures of Friday Harbor

2008-10-12T15:46:00.001-07:00

Intermission

2008-10-03T23:34:00.000-07:00

Into the (more) unknown

2008-09-26T21:16:00.000-07:00

How unknown can “unknown” be? I always thought it was an absolute.

In an interesting turn of events (all in one day…um, today, actually), I am no longer headed to Bellevue/Seattle. I’m now off to the San Juan Islands to do a complete overhaul of my plans. We’ll see what happens next.

As a person who has quite a bit of foresight and the ability to plan years in advance, it’s difficult for me to live as though I can’t see past my nose.

IIIIIIIIIIIII’m movin’ out!

2008-09-24T18:39:00.000-07:00

Ba baa dum baaaaa ba daaa baa dum. Ba baa dum baaaaa ba daaa baa dum. Ba baa dum... Ok That’s enough. Not sure that’s gonna make any sense writing that, but I was thinking of that Billy Joel song.

*ahem*

Anyway, yes, I’m ,um, moving out finally. Tomorrow, as long as my uncle will be available to come and get me.

Once I’m at my uncle’s, I’ll start applying for jobs in Seattle and find my own place. Although, I’ve been looking at shared apartments on craigslist and see it’s a lot cheaper to have housemates. Plus, I’m not sure I entirely like living by myself anymore. So we’ll see how that turns out. Depends on the job I get, too. That will affect my housing options.

So there you have it. I’m making my way back to the place where I belong...Seattle.

I am what I am

2008-09-18T21:07:00.000-07:00

But for simplicity’s sake, I’ll say I am what I think I am as well as what you think I am.

A possibility(?)

2008-09-17T19:11:00.000-07:00

Well, let’s see. Did I write a post that would lead to this one...Yes, three posts ago. So, yeah. Possible good news; I have someone who is interested in looking at my apartment this weekend.

If they take it, they want to move in next week, in which case I’ll move up to Bellevue/Seattle (Bellevue first to stay with my uncle, then to Seattle once I secure a job).

So, we’ll see. If they don’t take my place, at least craigslist is getting people’s attention and I’ll just keep trying.

Anyway, yeah. I hadn’t written in a while, so I thought I’d say something.

Unicru: George Orwell’s “1984” coming to life

2008-09-09T23:07:00.000-07:00

I just realized as I was taking a couple unicru tests today how to answer these “correctly”.

As I mentioned in my last post, I’m currently reading a new book (well, actually, the book is as old as I am, but I’ve never read it so it’s new to me).

It’s called “Four Arguments for the Elimination of Television” by Jerry Mander. It’s about how we are becoming more and more removed from nature and learning from experience to an artificially created world where we learn only by what others tell us. Mander often refers to Orwell’s “1984” as well as Aldous Huxley’s “Brave New World”.

In the most recent chapter of FAFTEOT, Mander described a religious group called Erhard Seminars Training, a contemporary of Scientology, if I understand correctly. They require(d) strict adherence to the rules and thought processes of the religious leaders (and ultimately to the founder, Werner Erhard).

Reading through the brainwashing techniques that Werner used, it becomes much easier to see what kind of answers unicru is looking for.

So, on the one hand, knowing this may make it easier to “pass” unicru tests, but on the other hand, it’s disconcerting, because to “pass” means to submit to brainwashing techniques.

I’ve seen some people visiting my blog to read about my techniques to pass the test, but also to see if lawsuits have been filed against unicru. I was thinking the same thing, but with corporate America heading in the direction that it is, I think we are merely seeing a taste of what the future holds for us.

Those of us that don’t fit in will fall between the cracks.

I cannot recommend strongly enough reading “Four Arguments for the Elimination of Television”, though I would also read Neil Postman’s “Amusing Ourselves to Death”.

Stalled out

2008-09-06T19:54:00.001-07:00

Interesting day, yesterday was. (Hmm…I’m talking like Yoda. “When an interesting day yesterday you’ve had, write a blog entry about it you will.”)

*ahem*

Anyway, yeah. So, like, I tried to update my ad on craigslist regarding my apartment, but it said I’d already posted a similar ad. Ok. Well, right. It was the same ad. Fine, I can’t post the same ad twice.

So I deleted my ad and tried to post it again, so it wouldn’t get buried in the new ads. But every time I deleted my ad and tried to post it again, it said I’ve already posted a similar ad. And I’m like, “But it’s not there anymore! I deleted it, you @%$#face!” (Yes, I talk to my computer. It helps.)

What was weird was that I had succeeded the day before to delete and repost my ad so it would be listed on a more recent day. So I don’t get it. But I’ll try dinking around with it.

The other problem was my computer is so ridden with viruses that I have difficulty getting it to start up properly and more problems getting internet connection. I’d like to reinstall Windows, but the restore disks that Best Buy gave me five years ago when I bought the computer don’t work. A notice comes up on my monitor that says they’re the wrong discs (…wait why is “disc” spelled with a “c” instead of a “k”? Weren’t floppies “floppy disks”?...). Anyway, so they don’t work. I asked Best Buy what I could do and…you know what? I don’t even want to talk about this because they were worthless.

So back to my main story. Right. Had problems with craigslist. So I gave that a rest and went to post ads for my apartment at SMU. That went alright except for the fact the allotted spots for me to post were quite crowded so I couldn’t find the most advantageous placements. But it went alright. I also saw a few people from the teaching program while I was there, so that was cool.

However, on my way home, I checked my cell phone and found that it had no service and the battery only had two bars on it…then one bar…then it turned blank. But didn’t turn off. I couldn’t tell it wasn’t off because it was sunny. I thought I had until I realized the battery was getting pretty hot. So I took the battery out.

Then I tried to get back to the craigslist thing again, but found that I couldn’t get online. Not only that, but when I tried to restart my computer it wouldn’t start up properly…like, it would open the first few programs and then just, not open anymore, like Norton, or internet service, etc.

So the grand outcome for the day was, I couldn’t post my ad on craigslist, and even if I could, the two ways of me being contacted (email and phone) were out of service.

Well, things are better now. So, I guess I can relax a bit. In my next post, I think I want to talk about the book I’m reading now.

Plans a-brewin’ for my return to Seattle

2008-09-02T21:47:00.001-07:00

Yes, that’s right. I’m a sitting duck down here and I can’t takes it no more! I looked at my options for what I could do down here and realized I’d have the same options in Seattle. So that’s where I’m going. I’ve already talked with the apartment manager and apparently it is okay for me to sign my lease over to someone else. Hopefully, won’t be too hard since I’m in a good location and there are no more 1 bedrooms available in this complex.

So this is a new outlet for my renewed vigor of yesterpost.

I’ll keep you posted.

Renewed vigor

2008-08-22T00:08:00.001-07:00

Wow. Did I write that last post just yesterday? Well, I took a break today, watched a movie (Vicky Christina Barcelona…which I quite liked), talked a few hours with an old friend on the phone, and…just didn’t think about job hunting for a little bit. Though, actually, my friend did give me suggestions as to where I could look. None of them sounded particularly good, but I’m not much in a position to be picky.

I had started, after the movie, to browse craigslist to see what there was in both jobs and housing if I need to relocate. And, although I saw a few jobs that could possibly work, this restlessness came over me and I got the sudden urge to check again for the international jobs. And whadya know? In spite of my assumption that chances were slim near the end of the summer, there were more jobs that had been posted that were right up my alley.

I applied for one of them tonight already. The other one will take a little more time because I need to prepare an essay, and since it was about 10 PM when I started looking…yeah. I’ll finish that one off tomorrow. And there were still more to investigate.

People keep telling me of the things (in this case the jobs) they found serendipitously. That I shouldn’t try looking so hard for what I want. That I should just go with the flow and accept what I can get. Well, I’m willing to look into that, as I mentioned in my last post.

But here’s the thing. I have never found anything in my life serendipitously, and I’ve found that those who claim to have found things serendipitously did so because they never knew what they wanted in the first place.

Well, it’s after midnight so I guess I wrote the last post two days ago now, and I’ll be working on the other application later today. But first, I sleep.

I’ve about had it

2008-08-20T22:07:00.001-07:00

Ok, I’ve gone 5 straight weeks applying for positions in…upwards to 20 colleges and universities for international positions. Out of those I’ve applied for, I received two interviews, but (as the title of this blog entry hints at) they didn’t work out. The rest…well, there are some I could still hear back from, but I’ve also gotten a fair amount of “thank you for trying” letters.

As I mentioned two posts ago, it is a good sign that I’m getting interviews at all. It means my resume is catching people’s attention. Perhaps I just need to work on my interview skills a bit more. I did learn a lot from the two interviews I’ve had. I may just need that “third time’s a charm” interview.

I’ll keep a finger on the pulse of…not sure that analogy is working quite the way I want. Anyway, I’ll check periodically for new jobs in the international field, but I think I’ve about exhausted that option. I’m going to start looking at other options that may be more pragmatic and help keep me in this area.

I mean, here’s one of the problems. When I applied for the JET Program and applied to teach in Taiwan...even when I applied for the teaching program here, I was applying for high demand areas that had an insatiable need for people to work in those fields. That is not the case for the positions I’ve been applying for since I left the teaching program. Lot’s of people are qualified and there are only a few positions open.

So, now looking at that reality...well, I kind of did see that reality already, which is why I’ve been applying nation-wide, not just here in Washington. But even so, it’s starting to look like I may not get in, so I’m going to start looking for other options.

Which options? I don’t know. Neither of the temp agencies I’ve applied for have had any work for me, which kind of surprises me since when I worked for one of the companies in Bellevue, there was plenty of work in the summer. But it seems there isn’t much going on in Olympia.

I left a message today with a job placement agency that does instant placement. I’ll try calling them back tomorrow. Maybe I can see if they can place me in a job up in Seattle. I mean, if I can’t get the job I’ve been looking for, maybe I can at least get the location. We’ll see. I guess it wouldn’t be terrible if I were stuck here, but now that I’m not in the teaching program, this area doesn’t seem to have much opportunity. But I could be wrong.

Well, that’s my update of sorts. Hopefully I’ll find where I belong or at least fit in.

On hypocrisy

2008-08-20T21:40:00.000-07:00

Everyone is a hypocrite. Everyone lives a double standard. But most people live in the gray area so that the difference between what is acceptable and what is unacceptable is minute, so the contradictions are less obvious.

Those who live in the extreme areas are more easily spotted for their hypocrisy because the difference between what is acceptable and unacceptable is more clearly defined and more on opposite sides from each other.

But it’s all relative. And it doesn’t change that we’re all hypocrites. If we can accept this in ourselves, it’s easier to accept it in others.

Behind in the count

2008-08-17T15:50:00.000-07:00

Well, I got two swings and two misses in my job search. One in the DC area, as I mentioned, and one right here in Lacey. The interviews have been a helpful learning process. I see more now what these schools are looking for. I don’t like that I have to learn at the expense of failing the interviews, but I guess that’s the way things go.

I know that I’m qualified for these jobs. I mean, certainly the changes I made to my resume have worked since I’m getting calls. I’ll just keep trying and see what this week brings.

A short commentary on the popularity of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report

2008-08-11T00:11:00.000-07:00

I was kind of surprised when I heard somewhat recently that The Daily Show and The Colbert Report were being looked at as legitimate news sources. When I had come back to Seattle after being overseas the better part of the previous four years, one of my friends told me that he watches these shows as his news sources...which I thought was weird.

The last time I’d watched The Daily Show was in college (I don’t think The Colbert Report was on the air yet. In fact, Stephen was still on The Daily Show.) and I’d remembered it being a parody of the news. So when my friend told me he watches it instead of the news, I thought, well maybe they restructured the show. I mean, MTV used to play music videos.

But watching The Daily Show again and being introduced to the Colbert Report, I saw that these were indeed parody shows. So why (or how) was my friend (and many others it seemed) viewing this as credible news?

Then I watched the news. In particular, I watched Fox News and MSNBC News and it started to become clearer.

Now, to back up a few years, I had already stopped watching the news before I’d left for Japan (so before 2003) because it was becoming evident that they were not interested in reporting on things we needed to know, rather, news stations seemed to just be competing against other news stations for ratings by being the first to get something caught on film and report on it before they had any information to report on. So basically, just trying to get the viewers' attention and becoming more for entertainment.

In the years I was overseas, I didn’t watch any news stations on TV. And, apparently in the time I was gone, the news became sillier and sillier, to the point where it became even sillier than the shows that were parodying the news (like The Daily Show and...well really, the current state of the news opened up the opportunity for the Colbert Report to be successful).

It’s amazing, really. It’s like, The Daily Show was inadvertently ahead of the curve. And now, “legitimate” news stations have caught up with The Daily Show, causing Jon Stewart, by default, to become a credible news anchor. And what’s more interesting is that Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are aware of this, while journalists from the “legitimate” news stations can’t understand the popularity of The Daily Show or the Colbert Report.

Just, um, yeah. Just really interesting.

First pitch

2008-07-31T22:53:00.000-07:00

Well, got my first call for an interview…in my desired field…very near the DC area. This is exciting for two reasons (Three, sir!) …Um, yes, three reasons.

One, if I get the job, I’ll get to live in a location I really like, doing the job I really want to have.

Two, even if I don’t end up with the job, the fact that a school in an area like that would even notice me gives a sense of hope that the other places I’ve applied for might notice me and call as well.

Three, just getting called for an interview at all (especially in my field of interest) after getting nowhere for the past…well, more than a year now, is plain exciting. (Well, I shouldn’t say I’ve gotten “nowhere”, but I mean, just in terms of finding work.)

I’m scheduled to interview late next week, so we’ll see what happens. Could hear back from some of the other places in that time, too, since some of them aren’t scheduled to go through applications until early August. I’ll keep you posted.

Clocks

2008-07-30T00:26:00.000-07:00

“In manufacturing such a product [seconds and minutes], the clock has the effect of disassociating time from human events and thus nourishes the belief in an independent world of mathematically measurable sequences. Moment to moment, it turns out, is not God’s conception, or nature’s. It is man conversing with himself about and through a piece of machinery he created.”

- excerpt from “Amusing Ourselves to Death”, by Neil Postman

Yes, I’m aware of the irony of posting this quote out of context, considering the content of Postman’s book. But I still thought it was a profound statement.

Perhaps I can once again escape the confines of time.

Anywhere and everywhere while I’m nowhere

2008-07-28T20:02:00.001-07:00

Out of fear of a temp job landing me a permanent job that I have no interest in, I’m making my last attempt to get into the international field.

For the past few weeks I’ve been applying for positions all over the country. This is the time that they’re hiring. If I don’t get in this summer, then I think it’s unlikely I’ll get into this field as all my relevant experience will be pushed further into the past.

I think I’ve applied to about 10 or 12 colleges/universities. We’ll see if any stick. For now I’m signed up with one temp agency. Gonna sign up with another one tomorrow.

Target unlocked

2008-07-16T19:39:00.000-07:00

Well, I had orientation today at Target and, um…yeah. It wasn’t quite what my understanding was at the interviews. This particular job would have required frequent lifting of heavy items which is far removed from what I think I need to be doing to my body. Plus the shifts would have been crazy early, so the combination of lifting stuff before my muscles had a chance to loosen didn’t sound very good to me. Anyway, I don’t want to say much about it.

Anyway, so now it’s on to Plan…um, I don’t know what letter I’m on now. But whatever letter this next plan is will involve me going to the temp agency to take, well…temp jobs. I’ve worked for this company before at their Bellevue branch. And it’s summer, so there should be seasonal work available. Also, they do job placement, so if my primary plans (the positions I’m waiting to hear back from within the next few weeks) fall through, I should be able to get set up with something.

Hmm…I still feel like writing, but I think that’s it for this post.

Bridging the gap

2008-07-15T20:44:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I guess I’ll pick up where I left off four posts ago. I withdrew from the teaching program a few weeks ago. I’ve applied for a few positions in the field I originally wanted to get into. I’ve made improvements to my resume and cover letter that better communicates what they’re looking for. Anyway, we’ll see. I don’t want to mention what the positions are or where they’ll be. I’d rather just talk about what happens than what might happen.

In the meantime, I’ll be doing a “whatever job” at Target. *sigh* I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I’m glad that I’ll be earning a paycheck. But on the other hand, this is incredibly humiliating and depressing. The last time I had a setback this big was when I didn’t make it into the military. But I replaced that with going to university to study biology. That’s a decent trade.

Well, I still need to be patient as I’m certain I have a shot at these other positions I’m applying for. I don’t see myself ending up at Target. But from my past, I know it’s easy for me to get stuck in these kinds of jobs, both because I get too comfortable with them and also I have a hard time trying to do more than one thing at a time because I always focus on what I’m doing. ...Anyway, I’m not going into that right now.

Um…so, yeah. There you have it. I’ll write more when I have more to say.

It works!

2008-07-13T21:30:00.000-07:00

I took the personality test twice and got two different results. So, looks like strategy 3 could work to pass the unicru test. See two posts ago for the results.

No beginning...

2008-07-06T18:45:00.000-07:00

There are at least two rationales used to suggest the existence of a supreme being.

1. The Clockmaker argument.
2. Everything has a beginning.

The thing that got us thinking about a clockmaker was the industrial revolution bringing about mechanical thinking. And western medicine gives the illusion that we are composed of interchangeable parts what with organ transplants and such. But it should be noted that when you replace a part on a clock, the clock will not reject the new part. The medical patient receiving their “new part” will reject it. So suffice to say we are not clocks.

That’s all I’ll say about the first argument for now. But for this post, I want to deal with the chicken and egg argument regarding beginnings.

But I needed to introduce the first argument because of the predicament in suggesting the Clockmaker has no beginning or end. A large part of the rationale to believing there is a clockmaker in the first place is because we find it impossible to think that we, ourselves, have no beginning or end.

If we can believe that there is a supreme being with no beginning or end, why is it inconceivable that we, too, have no beginning or end?

What we assign as a beginning is really just an arbitrary point in time on a continuum. For example, we’ll say our beginning is when we are born or conceived. Lot’s of arguments on those two arbitrary points in time, but you can assign other arbitrary “beginnings” as well.

You could say that when your parents met was your beginning, since they would eventually conceive you and you’d be brought into the world. And, their meeting each other at all is a result of their respective “beginnings”, just as arbitrary as yours. So you could say that their being brought into the world was your beginning. And you can just keep going back.

There is another angle to add to this. The idea of us having “a beginning” presumes that we are individuals. But, really, you are not an individual at all, since you did not appear out of thin air. You are a combination of your parents’ genetic make up. You are half your father and half your mother. Only…your father and mother are also a combination of their parents’ genetic make up. So, in short, you are merely a continuation of your father and mother’s respective lines.

No sign of a beginning yet.

Ah, but our planet has a beginning, right? It’s, what, 4.5 - 4.6 billion years old? Well, yes, the earth as we know it. Just like I’m 30 years old as we know it…starting from an arbitrary point in time. But the earth also came from something before it.

I bring up the concepts of energy. Energy is conserved. It’s neither created nor destroyed. All things that live utilize the energy of something else that died (or that will die). For example, we will die eventually. So we expend energy that is transferred to our progeny. And our progeny ensures that part of us will live on (or continue) after we die. But even when we die, our energy is not destroyed. It is passed on to something else that will utilize the energy.

When a star dies, a new star utilizes the energy that was passed on. And when the new star becomes old, it will pass its energy on. When the sun becomes old, it will expand into a red giant and consume the inner planets. Life as we know it will end. But the energy will be passed on.

There is no beginning. There is no end.

A (possible) way to pass the unicru test (updated)

2008-07-01T21:55:00.000-07:00

*Follow-up to my unicru post*

I think I have a few ideas on how to approach this test. I found a website that asks these questions that are pretty much the same as the unicru test. And, unlike the unicru test, this site tells you what your personality actually is.

This could be helpful in several ways. Let me give you a few approaches as to what you can do about this.

1. Take this test, answering the questions honestly, to see what your personality trait actually is (it will give you your strongest trait). This may tell why you’re not attracting the interest of prospective employers. OR, it may also help you to see what kinds of jobs you should be going after.

2. After you take the test, have someone else (who knows you well) take the test for you and see if the answer turns out differently. (After all, others don’t perceive us the way we perceive ourselves.) See if this answer is more favorable. If so, the next time you take a unicru test, have this person do the test for you.

3. This would be, perhaps, the most interesting. Here is where I suggest a way to manipulate the test. After you’ve taken the test (honestly), see if you can take the test again, answering the questions differently, (but that are consistent with each other) and coming out with a different personality trait. (If you’ve taken the unicru test, you know they ask the same question more than once, usually in an opposite way. For example, first they’ll ask you, “I like to be the center of attention.” Then later you’ll see, “I don’t like to be the center of attention.”)

***Update: It works. I took the personality test twice. The first time I answered honestly and the result was “introspection”. The second time I answered against my intuition and came out “sociability”. So it is possible to tweak the results of this test.***

Still, I think the most practical approaches are 1 and 2. At least you want to know the answer that the employers are receiving.

Now then, here is the website. Mind you there 485 questions. They do go quickly, but make sure you have a chunk of time to do this. If you’re choosing strategy 2 listed above, maybe have them take this test at the same time on a different computer so you can match your results at the same time.

Mind you also that there are a bunch of survey things after you answer the questions. Just opt to skip them. You’ll eventually come to a page that says “Test Results” and to the right, you’ll see a word that describes “your greatest personality trait”.

Here you go.

http://www.funeducation.com/Tests/CareerTest/TakeTest.aspx

I am hoping for one of three outcomes from my strategies. 1. It will help you know your personality and seek out appropriate jobs. 2. You will find a way to “pass” this test. 3. If either my second or third strategy works, I hope to render unicru useless for employers.

…but not the second week.

2008-06-28T23:41:00.000-07:00

Well, I’m afraid when 16 weeks of material is packed into 2 weeks, it’s a bit more than I can handle. I’ll be withdrawing from the program on Monday. That will allow me to avoid having to pay tuition (and loans, since they’ve not been dispersed yet).

Am I bummed about this? Mmm…actually, I’m kind of relieved. I did have reasons for wanting to get out of the teaching field, and this program reminded me of that. It’s incredibly busy work to be a teacher. And while teaching seemed like it would allow me to have a life I wanted (with the ability to travel back to Japan and other countries, have a job that’s rewarding and secure, etc.), I think it was more of a cool idea, but not what I needed.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I feel like I’m consciously and unconsciously moving in a direction that will suit what I need rather than what I want. I’m tired of doing things for myself. And I can’t focus on too many things at once.

Anyway, I’ve kind of been reeling today, but I am already looking at other options. Looks like I may have some on the horizon. We’ll see. All I know is everything before now has lead me to where I am, so I have no regrets about anything. And I know that I will find where I belong.

I’ll write again when I can.

Survived the first week

2008-06-24T20:24:00.001-07:00

Wanted to write this over the weekend, but had a lot of studying. This teaching program is, indeed, intense. My early assessment of last week was that I’d need to drop out of the program altogether. I was going to meet with the instructors last Friday to discuss that option, but had a chiropractor appointment. So I had to wait until yesterday.

But that was kind of lucky because, a) that chiropractic appointment went very well (probably the best chiro I’ve had yet) and b) postponing the meeting til Monday gave me the weekend to take a step back and consider my options. And, well, I really like it here in Lacey. Plus, I’ve put in a lot of time and money to get this far. And I was thinking how I really like the group of trainees in the program. I don’t want to leave.

So by the time Monday came around, I’d pretty much already decided that I’m staying. And come to find out everyone else is hurting in this course, too. So it’s not just me. Might as well stick it out.

The weekend gave me time, also, to rethink how I’m going to study, and thought back to my college days and the techniques and strategies I used to get through that.

So, yeah. I’ll try to write again when I can, but I doubt I can do much more than one post a week, if that. Until next time.

The time has come

2008-06-15T20:44:00.000-07:00

The long-awaited time has finally come. Tomorrow is the first day of the teaching program. Hard to believe I made it this far. But tomorrow is just the beginning.

I’ll try to keep my blog updated as best I can.

Is there a way to get what you want without being selfish?

2008-06-11T20:55:00.000-07:00

I don’t feel like I've always done things for myself. I've just done the things I've wanted because I was in the position to be able to do so. At least I think so. I know I said the opposite before, that I deliberately kept myself in the position of being able to do what I wanted. But I don’t know anymore. It seems like circular reasoning.

I’ve always marveled at people who were in relationships when they said that they couldn’t pursue certain aspirations out of consideration for their significant other. I marveled because that’s never been a way I’ve had to think.

“Had to”?

I considered that it would be nice to live for someone other than myself. This was 6-7 years ago that I thought about this.

So now I wonder, am I single because I’m selfish or am I selfish because I’m single?

I’m not even sure if I really am selfish, but I feel like it sometimes.

But, you know, even those people in relationships I marveled at had their limits. They couldn’t always put their significant others before themselves (and yet, we’re so harsh when people have the audacity to think about themselves at times).

And I think that some people who always put others before themselves could stand to be a little more selfish to balance things out.

Can I turn this around on myself? Could I be selfless to balance myself out? It’s just, I feel like I have been and it hasn’t panned out.

Honesty and emotional attachment

2008-06-11T20:45:00.000-07:00

There is an inverse relationship between honesty and emotional attachment. The more emotionally attached you are to someone, the less honest you are, because your desire to be honest is replaced with your desire not to hurt feelings.

Because there’s the fear that if you’re too honest, you could loose the one you’re emotionally attached to. The less emotional attachment there is to a person, the less fear there is of loosing that person, and therefore, the more honest you are.

But the inverse relationship between honesty and emotional attachment can become a direct relationship if honesty is on a timed release. That is to say, you can be more honest after enough emotional attachment has been accumulated over time.

Amy Winehouse (my new fav)

2008-06-08T22:14:00.000-07:00

Ok, I had to put this post before I went to bed. Having been overseas the better part of four years and living under a rock for the past year (at least musically), I had finally decided to put my mp3s aside and listen to the radio, since that’s the only way I was going to hear anything new.

Actually, I mentioned this several posts ago. Said I was listening to The Mountain. Anyway, yeah. So, like, I’ve been listening to other stations, too, and came across a song called “You know I’m no good”. And I thought, “That’s pretty cool.”

Heard another song called, “Rehab” and… it was really good (didn’t realize it at the time, but it was the same artist) and I’m like, “Who is this?” So found out (most radio stations list songs currently playing on their websites) that it was a lady by the name of Amy Winehouse.

If you don’t already know Winehouse’s music, it has a real mo-town kind of feel for it. Not to say I’m that articulate in the genera. I’m sure I could be flaunting some ignorance in this post, but it really seems like Winehouse has taken a specific genera, and done something very original with it. It doesn’t just seem like a rehash of old 50s and 60s jazz. And what’s really cool about her music is how personal it is. And it seems quite effortless for her. Her band is amazing, too.

But I guess you can judge for yourself. Just do a google search for Amy Winehouse. It’ll turn up some links to youtube videos for “Rehab” and “You know I’m no good” or click these links below:

Rehab
You know I'm no good

Value Village, Fred Meyer, and Target

2008-06-08T22:13:00.001-07:00

Yeah, I guess this is kind of a crappy title, but um, these were the shops (in this order) I went to so I could furnish my apartment. Mainly went to Value Village first because I was trying to make what money I have last until financial aid comes in. But it still seemed funny because I’ve moved into a brand new apartment. But I thought I’d at least check it out. I did find a good plate, bowl, spoon, and fork. But the other things I was looking for looked pretty cruddy.

So, it was on to Fred Meyer. I don’t know. Maybe it was because I’d just been to VV, but it seems like Fred Myer has become pretty posh. Didn’t sell many dishware items individually, so was good that I got those at VV (that’s not lingo, I just don’t want to write it out.) Got a pot and pan, spatula, etc. Then made a few trips back for food.

…Did I mention Fred Meyer is across the street from me? I’m walking distance to, like everywhere – the bus transit center, St. Martin’s (that’s where I’m doing the teaching program. Can’t remember if I’d mentioned that.), a potential high school I could end up teaching at, and shops. This is not coincidence. I scoped the area out before finding a place to live…

After I’d bought stuff at Fred Myer, I noticed a Target was nearby. So went there to get the remainder of stuff for my apartment (well, actually, I went to Office Depot, too, to get a desk and chair. The chair is nice, but the desk was hell to put together. I think I’m doing Ikea from here on out for that type of furniture.)

Target was quite decent. As I was walking though the aisles today, the song, “When I’m Back on My Feet Again” (that Michael Bolton song) and it just seemed appropriate. I’ve had those words in my thoughts for the past, like, year now. I just keep thinking of what I’ll be able to do once…well, once I’m back on my feet again.

But I also had thought off and on over the past year, what if I never get to that place I’m imagining? Like, what if I were never able to leave Tacoma and pursue something that was important to me? Could I be happy with it? I considered, when I had those thoughts, I had better be happy with nothing, especially if as much time as a year of my life could go by and I wasn’t going anywhere.

I’ve mentioned this before when I first got back from Taiwan. I have vision and drive to pursue something that’s off in the distance, but I have a harder time seeing what’s around me now. And I wonder, again, if I can change this about myself, or if I should learn to accept it. I’ve made decisions to keep myself from being stuck in the situations that others were in, but now it seems to me that I’ve become stuck anyway in the life I’m living.

Well, I kind of went in a different direction with this than I’d intended. I was primarily thinking of where (once I’m finally established) I’d want to shop on a regular basis. And what I’d want to own. I mean, I don’t want a lot of “things”. But only buying things I need…it doesn’t feel like I’m living. I mean, it doesn’t feel like…take for example this unfurnished apartment I’m in now…Having nothing in it saves me from having things I don’t need, but it also doesn’t feel like a home. I don’t know if I’m saying this clearly. It’s just something I was thinking about the past few days as I’m selecting things to put into the apartment. Between even the three stores mentioned in the title, I don’t know which store would have something that says, “This is me”.

Please note, I’m not talking about buying into consumerism. It’s something different. Anyway, I’m tired, and I want to put up one more post.

Hello, Lacey :)

2008-06-07T21:23:00.000-07:00

< insert picture here >

Well, no picture yet, but apparently I do have wireless internet. I'm moved into my apartment...well, sort of. Not settled yet. I'm pretty tired, not so much from the move as I didn't have much to move, but from shuttling to the nearby stores to get food and things for my (unfurnished) apartment. So, I'll write more later, but for now, this serves to let you know that I made here safely.

Goodbye, Tacoma

2008-06-07T08:11:00.000-07:00

Packing

2008-06-06T18:32:00.000-07:00

Well, getting all my things together. Glad I didn't leave it all for the last night. This has been the last day of a three-day process. But it helps I don't have much to take with me.

If I have time, I'll post a final message before I leave.

Passed!!

2008-05-30T17:06:00.000-07:00

Finally got the test result. I passed the biology test! So, I’m in. I’ll move down to Olympia sometime next week.

*Whew* This is a relief. I can finally exhale all the way.

Um, I have my apartment ready to move into, but there’s no internet service yet (unless I can mooch off someone’s wireless connection), so once I’m down there, I may not be able to blog as much until I get that set up. I’ll try to put a few more posts up before I leave Tacoma.

Anyway, yay!

Still waiting...

2008-05-28T20:40:00.000-07:00

I got my apartment secured and my chiropractor referral…oh, and I got my GRE scores back (which was not helpful since I already knew them).

Anyway, I checked the testing website and found that the Praxis scores are mailed out on the 27th (Tuesday), so maybe I’ll get them tomorrow. But then, it also said the 27th was an approximate date.

Oh well, program doesn’t start ‘til the mid-June, so I’m still ok for time. Just, um, any day now...

Tuesday

2008-05-23T15:38:00.001-07:00

Well, it seems everything is converging on next Tuesday. That’s the day I should know my biology test score, which as a result makes it the day I find out if I get my scholarship; the day I should have my money transferred to my checking account so I can pay the deposit on the apartment I found yesterday; the day I could hear back about other available apartments (not that it matters, since they were poorly located); and the day I should get a reference for a chiropractor near my school, since I won’t be able to visit my one in Tacoma.

*sigh*

I’m building this up too much. Might not all happen on Tuesday. But I just realized all these things have been scheduled for that day. Guess we’ll see.

Instant gratification

2008-05-13T18:40:00.000-07:00

Well, the nice (or possibly not so nice) thing about taking a computer-based GRE is that you get your scores back as soon as you finish the test…well, except for the essay portion, but I’m sure that went well.

I don’t want to say what my score was, but looking at the requirements for the Master’s program, it looks like my GRE score is high enough to get me in. I’ll have a better idea tomorrow as I will be visiting the school to go over miscellaneous details of my admittance.

That’s my update. Still waiting for my biology test scores. Won’t know until later this month. So I can’t exhale yet. Well, I can partially exhale.

(Conditional) acceptance

2008-05-07T21:24:00.000-07:00

Well, I’ve finally gotten an email from the director letting me know that I am being accepted to the teaching program with “some conditions”. I was already aware of the conditions so I wasn’t too worried about that. The primary conditions are the results of the biology test I’ve taken and the results of the GRE that I will be taking next week.

So, it’s still too early to celebrate, but it’s nice to know where I stand. I’ll get my official acceptance letter next week, but I won’t know the result of the tests until the end of the month.

Praxis II (biology test) taken, GRE scheduled

2008-04-30T15:08:00.000-07:00

Well, I took my long awaited biology test last Sunday. I usually don’t like to say how a test went until either I get the results back or I just know that I did well. But I will say that I generally had a good feeling about it. I’m definitely glad I bought a biology text book to study from. I can’t say that I did as well on this as the basic skills (WEST-B) test, but I do have a feeling that I passed. I’ll know for sure in about four weeks.

Also scheduled my GRE today. I’ll be taking that in just under two weeks. Although this looks like it will be more difficult than the basic skills test or the biology test, it was the biology test I was most concerned with since not passing that would mean not getting into the program at all. If I don’t pass the GRE, I can still at least get my teaching certificate and get the Masters later.

But I feel like I have momentum now. The GRE is the last test, and the program is around the corner. So I’ll just keep moving forward.

I haven’t heard yet if I’ve been accepted to the teaching program yet. But as I‘d mentioned in an earlier post, I think that’s mainly because I’d gotten my MIT application sent out late (due to being sick). I imagine that had I only applied for the teaching certificate (without the Masters), I would know by now. But I sure would like to know.

More on this when I know more.

Off day

2008-04-19T20:18:00.000-07:00

Don’t know yet about the teaching program. But that’s partly because I needed to finish the Masters in Teaching portion of the application (which included an additional essay about my teaching goals and beliefs).

Getting the application worked out was delayed because the initial screening for the MIT program took place the day I got the stomach flu, and I took a week to get over that. Then it took another week to get the application sent to me.

Anyway, I finished working on the application two days ago, and the essay yesterday.

To get these items turned in more quickly, I intended to have a pdf file of the application made and then attach it and the essay to an email.

But, like, I went downtown to get the scan done and the copy place was closed. But...ha ha, I had prepared an envelope to snail-mail it out in case the place was closed. However the envelope wouldn’t seal shut. (>_<)

So, almost a wasted a trip. But on the way back home, I thought to ask a shop owner if he could loan me scotch tape. So, yeah. I taped the envelope shut and mailed it off in time for the last pick-up. Then I emailed the essay.

*whew*

Well, that done, I still have the biology test and GRE pending. The bio test I’m taking the end of this month and I’m trying to schedule the GRE for early or mid-May. I want to get it finished soon since the internship starts in June, but I also want to make sure I have time to study for it.

So, anyway, a tedious two weeks, but I got the wheels turning again.

More later...or soon.

The future of Seattle(?)

2008-04-07T16:34:00.000-07:00

I hope so. These are some animations of Sound Transit’s light link rail plans. Check them out on this link.

Just double click on the route/station you want to see (ie: Northgate Station).

"If I Had Eyes" by Jack Johnson

2008-04-07T15:57:00.000-07:00

Well, hey, I found this youtube thing and I've never put one of those on my blog before. So I'll add that (courtesy of http://www.completealbumlyrics.com) with the lyrics.

Jack Johnson - If I Had Eyes lyrics

If I had eyes in the back of my head
I would have told you that
You looked good
As I walked away

If you could've tried to trust the hand that fed
You would've never been hungry
But you never really be

The more of this or less of this or is there any difference
or are we just holding onto the things we don't have anymore

Sometimes time doesn't heal
No not at all
Just stands still
While we fall
In or out of love again I doubt I'm gonna win you back
When you got eyes like that
It won't let me in
Always looking out

Lot of people spend their time just floating
We were victims together but lonely
You got hungry eyes that just can't look forward
Can't give them enough but we just can't start over
Building with bent nails we're
falling but holding, I don't wanna take up anymore of your time
Time time time

Sometimes time doesn't heal
No not all
Just stands still
While we fall
In or out of love again I doubt I'm gonna win you back
When you got eyes like that
It won't let me in
Always looking out
Always lookin out

Music and laughter to the rescue

2008-04-07T15:55:00.000-07:00

Ugh. Getting over probably the worst stomach bug I’ve ever had. Not going to talk about it much. But, again (as I think I mention every time on my blog when I’ve been sick), I remember how sometimes it does suck having no one to take care of you when you feel to weak to do anything. But I managed.

I guess it helps that I don’t have much to burden me at the moment, so I can stay calm while I recover. But I also had help from watching “A Bit of Fry and Laurie”, a schetch-comedy with Steven Fry and Hugh Laurie. Laughter does help, and these guys are funny.

Also been listening to the radio. I’m always hot and cold with the radio, because I eventually get tired of hearing the same songs over and over. But I guess when you’re by yourself it’s nice to have something on. Plus, like, music is thereputic, too.

The station I’ve kept it on is 103.7 The Mountain. I’ve liked this station for quite a few years now because it’s pretty mellow, plays a lot of artists that I’d usually have to listen to on two different stations, plus other artists that I don’t hear on other stations…and they all blend well together.

A lot of songs/artists I like, but one of my favorites has been Jack Johnson’s “If I Had Eyes”. There’s this line in the song that goes:

“Sometimes time doesn't heal
No not at all
Just stands still
While we fall”

That caught my attention. Looking at the rest of the lyrics puts it in context better, and...well, I’ll put them up in the next post, like, immediately following this one.

Anyway, I’m feeling better now. I’ll just keep resting, and perhaps have time later to study for my biology test.

Coincidence?

2008-03-29T13:34:00.000-07:00

So, I updated my profile a bit and went ahead and allowed my astrological and zodiac signs to be displayed. Then, out of curiosity looked up the significance of being born the year of the snake. I found this website and, um...well it’s weird how much of this is accurate. Click here for the website.

And click here for the main page in case you want to look up your animal. (You'll have to scroll down a little once the page comes up.)

Acceptance interview

2008-03-29T11:44:00.001-07:00

Ok, enough with the deep thoughts. So, like, I had my acceptance interview for the teaching program last Wednesday. I’m not sure what that means, acceptance interview. Like, whether that means the interview determines my acceptance or if it means by being interviewed at all already means I’m being accepted. I’m thinking it may be closer to the latter.

It kind of reminded me of the JET interview I did before going to Japan. It was such a process just to get to that interview that by the time you got there, they’d already eliminated everyone else. The interview was more of a formality to make sure you were still intent on proceeding.

That’s kind of what this one was like. I’ve been in contact with the program director since November and I’ve been checking off boxes for the application process since that time.

The interview itself was something interesting. I met with the director and the dean. And…it was nice to be able to answer their questions honestly, you know? I didn’t have to be deceptive in any way. I could say that I intended to become a teacher and stay in that profession indefinitely and really mean it. I was able to be honest about my weaknesses without it hurting my chances of being accepted. It was nice.

I’ll find out in a week or so if I officially made it into the program. I still have some things pending, namely the biology content test next month and, as it turns out, there is still a chance for me to take the GRE so I can get the Masters in Teaching…which is better to have in this area.

Anyway, that’s the news.

The magnitude scale of romanticism

2008-03-29T11:19:00.000-07:00

Romantic → Crazy → Stupid → Hurtful → Destructive

Expectation and experience

2008-03-29T11:18:00.000-07:00

The further removed experience is from expectation, the less you trust the one(s) who set you up with the expectation.

Disqualifying the previous two posts: The coexistence of volition and predestination

2008-03-27T12:54:00.000-07:00

Part 3

The preceding two posts are completely false…yet they are true. I can’t explain it.

I finally understand the doctrine of divine decrees (regarding predestination) and why Calvinism is wrong (yet the confusion is understandable as explained in my previous posts). I see it clearly in spite of the fact I’ve not believed in God for seven years now (another example of needing to be on the other side to see things clearly).

Those who wrote the Bible were certainly intelligent people, but the book was not God-inspired. The stories are myths to illustrate what can be observed in nature.

In spite of being able to make educated guesses about the future, we really can’t see the future, but the notion that someone (God) can justifies the idea that everything “follows a set path”…which is true, but it’s something we can only know in hindsight, whereas in religion (Christianity) we can take comfort in believing it was known before the fact and destined to happen.

It’s like, predestination is true, but you have to not believe it in order for it to be true.

You have to believe you have a choice, whether it’s true or not.

What I'm saying is not something to trust or believe in. You have to see it for yourself.

Back to Part 1

Qualifying the previous post: Using probability based on predicable human behavior to see the future

2008-03-25T12:50:00.000-07:00

Part 2

I should clarify some things from Part 1. It’s not so much that you can see into the future. It’s more looking at probabilities based on your own (or others’) tendencies given particular scenarios. Actually, it’s more difficult to predict your own future, but it should be easier. But that’s only if you know yourself.

The easiest illustration is, again, poker. You can’t predict what the dealer will turn up on the flop, but you can predict the decisions you (or others you know well) will make in certain circumstances. That’s what I mean when I say “see into the future”.

As for following a set “path”, really, there is a complexity of interactions between people and events in life that people simplify by calling it fate or a greater plan. But as I said before, what you believe has influence on the decisions you make. If you believe you have no control of things, you’ll make your decisions accordingly and might not accomplish what you could have had you believed you did have control.

I guess what you have to do is realize when an opportunity is actually there (a path set before you out of the complexity of interactions) and when there isn’t and you just want there to be one.

If the opportunity is there and you choose to follow it, then you feel in control. If you imagine there’s an opportunity when there isn’t, then you’ll see you’re not in control. If you continue to see hope for that opportunity that isn’t really there, then you are delusional.

Well, this is giving me a bit of a headache, so I’ll close with this. You can’t know everything ahead of time. Sometimes you just need to know enough before proceeding.

Continue to Part 3

Seeing into the future, hindsight, and backlash

2008-03-24T17:10:00.000-07:00

Part 1

INT. PHYSICS CLASS - DAY (2 P.M.)

Donnie and Dr. Monnitoff are having another in-depth
conversation.

DR. MONNITOFF
Each vessel travels along a vector path
through space-time... along its centre of
gravity.

DONNIE
(to himself)
Like a spear.

DR. MONNITOFF
Beg pardon?

DONNIE
Like a spear that comes out of your
stomach?

DR. MONNITOFF
Uhh... sure. And in order for the vessel
to travel through time it must find the
portal, in this case the wormhole, or
some unforeseen portal that lies
undiscovered.

DONNIE
Could these wormholes appear in nature?

DR. MONNITOFF
That... is highly unlikely. You're talking
about an act of God.

DONNIE
If God controls time... then all time is
pre-decided. Then every living thing
travels along a set path.

DR. MONNITOFF
I'm not following you.

DONNIE
If you could see your path or channel
growing out of your stomach, you could see
into the future. And that's a form of
time travel, right?

DR. MONNITOFF
You are contradicting yourself, Donnie. If
we could see our destines manifest
themselves visually... then we would be
given the choice to betray our chosen
destinies. The very fact that this choice
exists... would mean that all pre-formed
destiny would end.

DONNIE
Not if you chose to stay within God's
channel...

- excerpt from Donnie Darko (according to script-o-rama.com)

There is some truth to what Donnie is saying. Even when you can see your own future, you don’t change it. And it’s interesting, your backlash when what you knew would happen comes to past.

There have been several instances in my life where I could predict outcomes of my actions ahead of time (years ahead of time in some cases), and even when those outcomes were detrimental I didn’t stop myself. And I would kick and scream is if I had no idea of the consequences.

And look at Christianity (since the quote involves God). Jesus knew he’d die on the cross and be forsaken by His Father, but he screamed anyway asking, “My God My God, why have you forsaken me?”

Stupid, isn’t it? But what can we do about it? To change our futures is really to change who we are, and that’s quite difficult. Every time I try to change it feels too forced. It feels like I’m trying to be someone else. And yet I don’t like where I’m headed, partly because I know I’m not in complete control, but also because I can see where I’ll be in the end. And I’ve tried to break out and find a different path, but there is none. There is only what’s in front of me and what’s behind me.

That’s not to say that I don’t want what’s ahead of me. Nor to say that I want what is behind me. It’s just, I like it better when what I want was a choice among several options…not because it was my only option.

I’ll have to trust that there is more in front of me that I can’t see yet.

Continue to Part 2

Two sides

2008-03-20T14:34:00.000-07:00

It’s not just how you perceive the world, but also how the world perceives you. Both have to be considered in understanding who you are.

This is along the same line as The part.

What doesn’t kill you…

2008-03-20T14:33:00.000-07:00

I’ve considered other ways to end this saying as I’m not entirely sure I agree with the commonly used ending. So here are a few I’ve come up with:

What doesn’t kill you…

…makes you wish it did.

…brings you that much closer to death.

…leaves you for dead.

…might kill someone else.

… …

Ok, I think that’s all I can think of. Maybe a bit morbid, but when you’re down, what else can you do but laugh at it? At any rate, I don’t think you get stronger from things that bring you down. I think that the strength comes from your own drive and willpower to bring yourself back up after you’ve been pushed down. Otherwise you’ll stay down by what brought you there.

…Of course, I should mention that at times, you need help getting back up. I don’t mean to negate that. But I still maintain that you need the will to get back up in order to be able to even ask for help.

Under the Milky Way

2008-03-11T20:34:00.001-07:00

I had this song stuck in my head recently. I’m not sure why. I’d liked this song a lot when I first heard it some years back. But why would it come to me now? I hadn’t heard it in a long time…hadn’t I? Well, at any rate I thought I’ll have to find out who sings it so I can get the song.

Yesterday, I received my long-awaited Donnie Darko CD import. Track 3 on disc 1 was “Under the Milky Way” by The Church. The song that had been stuck in my head. I don’t remember consciously knowing this song was on the soundtrack…not when I ordered a few weeks ago (before the song got stuck in my head), nor do I really recall it being in the movie when I watched a few months ago. But I must have known on some level.

It kind of reminds me of when, like, you start humming this song or you hear it in your head, and it’s a little while later you realize it’s playing on the radio. It’s just, you’re in a department store or restaurant so you can’t really hear it over the noises and conversations around you. But it still makes its way into your head before you consciously hear it.

Anyway, I felt like writing that.

“Sir?”

2008-03-09T14:20:00.000-07:00

I was going to write this a while ago, but I kind of forgot about it until I was reminded, like, yesterday or a few days ago. For the past several months (well, with some intervals, hence my forgetting) people have been addressing me as “sir”. And I’m not just talking about customer service formality. I’m talking about just everyday people on the street who want to ask me a question. Like, “Excuse me, sir. Do you know what time it is?” Or “Excuse me, sir. Are you using this chair?’”

Granted, these people are younger than me, but it’s just, I don’t really look at myself as someone who should be called “sir”. I prefer to talk to people on an equal level. To see people as people. I’m not comfortable with the idea of being put at some status that is above others.

On a similar note (or maybe because of this note), I’ve been considering what I might want my students to call me when I become a teacher. You know, like, by my first name or Mr. + last name.

When I taught in Japan, I felt too young to be called Mr. so and so. Plus there was the problem of pronouncing my last name. It would have sounded like “I Shi-to”. Or in Taiwan, “I shi-ta” both of which sound uncomfortably close to “I shit.”

There won’t be this pronunciation problem in America, but I’m still not sure what I’d prefer. If I insist to be called by my first name, it might seem I’m refusing to acknowledge that I’m older and in a position of authority. It might also seem like I’m trying to be cool allowing my students to call me by my first name. On the other hand, if I insist to be called Mr. last name, then it might seem I’m demanding that the students acknowledge my position of authority, or that I might be demanding respect.

I’ve noticed that people who demand respect simply because of their status or position generally don’t get it. But I’ve also noticed (when I was a student) that I was never comfortable calling my teachers by their first name, especially (and perhaps ironically) the older I got and the closer in age I got to my instructors (like in college). They wanted to acknowledge that college students were adults, but I wanted to acknowledge a separation between instructor and student.

Well, I don’t know. I think the answer is already clear to me. In fact I’ve pretty much already decided to leave it to the students to decide what to call me.

Hmm…this post kind of went in a different direction than I had initially planned. I was going to tie this concept of being called sir when I didn’t want or expect to with the general irony of being on the other side of what you want.

Or, that’s the way I put it. I think most others put it as "what you want is always on the other side". I think I had meant to write a post about that concept and how to deal with it. Although I think I did a bit when I wrote a proposal for an alternative marriage.

But I was also just thinking about how it seems I’m passively being put in a different place in my life. I’ve described it to others as being pushed up the ladder instead of climbing the ladder. It’s just, um…It’s just very counter to what I ranted about in Season 2 with being active instead of passive. But that was back when I thought I was in control of things. Everything has changed now. I’m tired of fighting the way I did then. And really, why fight in this case if by being passive, I’m still being pushed up to a higher energy state?

Hmm…let me find that post that I wrote…Ah, here it is.

Ok, yeah… Wow… Ok, I have to say, I never wanted to re-post this… But, anyway, yeah, I guess I had come to these conclusions before.

Well that’s probably enough to write for this post.

Ark of the Covenant

2008-02-29T14:56:00.000-08:00

So I just saw this ad on MSN Messenger that said, “Is the Lost Ark Found?” And I thought, “Hmm, that’s interesting. If this ark were found, it would most likely be justified as credential that Christianity is true, whereas if we found an ancient artifact of some other religion, we’d think, “Weird, people at one time actually believed this was something significant.”

From motive to result

2008-02-28T10:37:00.001-08:00

Whatever people do, no matter how rational or irrational, there is always a motive. And that’s what should be focused on because a lot can become convoluted and/or distorted between the motive and the result.

Late night epiphany

2008-02-21T20:28:00.000-08:00

As I was going to bed (trying to sleep) this came to me, clear as day, but now I’ve forgotten most of it. I knew I should have written it right then and there, but it was like, one in the morning. I thought considering how profound it was I couldn’t possibly forget it. Well, I kinda did. So now, I’ll just have to write fragments of it.

It was slightly influenced by I ♥ Huckabees as well as my post, The life we choose? It mainly had to do with the “two sides of the fence” predicament and the impossibility of having things both ways. So, I’ll just write these fragments and see how this turns out.

If we are realists, we are jaded. If we are idealists, we are delusional.

If we believe that we can choose what life we have, we are delusional and we’ll be frustrated when things we can’t control get in our way. But if we believe we can’t control our lives, it affects the decisions we would otherwise make if we did believe we had control, and changes what we could achieve…in spite of being more realistic.

Atheism is realistic, religion is idealistic.

But if atheists don’t have some optimistic (or idealistic) way of thinking (like secular humanism), then they will be stuck in realism and, consequently, jaded or perhaps become nihilists.

If religious people keep their beliefs but negate they way things really are, then they are stuck in delusion.

In the realm of religion, if Christians think theirs is the only correct religion, then they negate the fact that Christianity has no relevance in other cultures or that other religions existed before Christianity. If, in acknowledgement to this, Christians believe that all religions are correct as relevant to respective cultures, then they can’t really believe that Christianity is correct. And from this, there are two ways to go: keep believing in Christianity in spite of what they’ve realized, or become an atheist (or at least an agnostic or perhaps nihilist).

Well, that kind of stays a bit from the epiphany. What I felt I’d realized was the notion that indeed all religions (or even secular ways of thinking) do lead to one creator. But we can’t believe that all religions lead to the same creator in the same way we can’t believe that we control our lives while simultaneously believing that we can’t. In the same way we can’t be realistic while simultaneously being idealistic.

I have lived a life of delusion. And for a long time I’ve been looking for balance, a happy medium. But there is none. Just oscillation from one extreme to the other. The “happy” medium is apathy and indifference.

So while I’ve come to realism and have seen my inability to control my life, I don’t like the view that comes with it.

So, in spite of my realizations, I’ll maintain the attitude that I do have control of my life in order to benefit from the decisions and achievements in believing such.

In this, I acknowledge my hypocrisy. But if we’re to have things both ways, we have to be hypocrites. Because no one can take everything that comes with one side.

Killdeer Decrees

2008-02-21T18:32:00.000-08:00

Martin Campbell should have exclusive rights to direct James Bond movies from here on out. (Directed Goldeneye and Casino Royale)

Danny Elfman should have exclusive rights to compose all comic book movie soundtracks. (Did soundtracks for Batman, Batman Returns, Spider-man 1 & 2, Hulk, and likely more, I haven’t checked.) …Well, I suppose John Williams had a good theme for Superman. But other than that, Danny Elfman.

Those are my decrees.

2046....part 2

2008-02-21T17:14:00.000-08:00

If someone wants to leave 2046,

how long will it take?

Some people get away
fairly easily

Others find that it takes
them much longer

I forget how long I've been
on this train

I start to feel very lonely

- excerpt from 2046, a film by Wong Kar Wai

The part

2008-02-15T23:40:00.000-08:00

You suppose people look the part because others expect them to play the part they look?

Er…progress

2008-02-15T11:48:00.000-08:00

You know like, when you want to go somewhere, and you get into your car, adjust your seat, check your mirrors, you get your seatbelt on…you’re ready to go. But when you put your foot on the gas, you don’t go anywhere? You know you’re missing something. There’s something else that has to be done before you can go. Then you realize you forgot something stupid like, you didn’t put the car in gear, or you still have the emergency brake on.

That’s a bit how I’ve been feeling lately. I’ve been in Tacoma now for about 10 months and although I’ve been making progress preparing for the teaching program (got my reading and writing tests out of the way, fingerprints done, CPR/First Aid class signed up for, math and biology tests on the way, and one of my three letters of recommendation turned in), I still feel like I’m not getting anywhere. Like there’s something right under my nose that I’m not seeing.

In this case, I would mean I’m missing opportunities during my time here in Tacoma. Although, just being here in Tacoma has given me opportunities in pursuing the teaching program. Like I said in some earlier post, I’m near the only two schools in the state that give a conditional loan scholarship towards my tuition. And if there are other opportunities I could go after, then…well, it just seems like that could always happen and if I kept chasing opportunities, I’ll never finish what I started.

And, as it turns out, there was one such opportunity. A position finally opened up in the international field at a nearby community college. It was a part-time clerical job, but it would have been a foot in the door for the field I wanted to be in…10 months ago. But I am so far along in getting into the teaching program, that unless this part-time job could really lead to something permanent and career-like, I couldn’t see a good reason to change course, even though it would mean getting a job now.

I guess this is another hard lesson in timing. Had this job been open seven months ago, or like, even back in the Fall, I’d have been much more excited about it and would have pursued it actively. Because at that time, I still wanted to be in that field. And I'd have had more time to stay in this place that I’m house-sitting.

Now that my mind has been set on teaching (even if the process is getting tedious), it’s difficult to suddenly want to change back. So, I guess that means I don’t want to change back, even though it would give me instant gratification of having a job that could lead to something permanent, instead of waiting another year before I become a teacher.

I don’t know. I still see more promise and value in becoming a biology teacher, even if I’m afraid I’ll look like a fool in front of a firing squad of twenty-some-odd students. But I guess that will push me to become better at what I do, like teaching English made me better at grammar. And that ensures my job won’t get tiring…Well, it will get tiring, but, I mean, it won’t get boring.

Ugh. There’s something else I forgot to mention. I’d been arranging to take the prerequisite tests (Basic skills tests - reading writing math, biology test, and GRE) in the order of importance. Like, I can get my teaching certificate with the basic skills test and the biology test. The GRE is gravy so I can get a Masters in Teaching. So, I was saving the GRE for last. Well, unfortunately, The GRE is only offered twice a year and I’ve missed them both. That’s a big set-back because that’s a difference in $10,000/year not having the Masters.

Well, I don’t want to dwell on this. It’s not simply about the money that made me want to pursue teaching. It was the opportunities. I just hope these opportunities will still be important to me by the time I get to the finish line. I think they will.

Focal point

2008-02-06T17:34:00.000-08:00

Another post where I’m not quite sure how to start it so I’ll just start typing and see what happens.

Um, this has been turning in my head lately so I’d like to write it out. Maybe this is a bit related to “Motivation from what we want vs. what we don’t want”.

I suppose I’ll begin with the statement that someone told me a few years ago, “It’s important to be in a relationship.” I just remember thinking, “Why?” I mean, really, I wanted to know. The guy just said it like it was a given and didn’t need any explanation. But it was not so inherent to me based on what I’d seen in people’s relationships (see The Method to my Madness).

But I think my problem with that statement now is that it’s really focused on the wrong thing. Because it focuses on the relationship rather than the person you’re having the relationship with. It’s like saying, “Friendships are important.” Well, yes, but isn’t who you’re friends with more important than the friendship itself?

I don’t have a friend just for the sake of having a friendship. The friends I have I keep because they mean something to me, not because the friendships mean something to me. And I would also add that I don’t stay friends with them because of some contractual obligation (see also Proposal for an alternative marriage setup).

I say this because from what I see (and what I seem to hear from women) is that relationships tend to take higher priority than the happiness of the actual people in the relationship. This is something I cannot understand.

Unicru reprise

2008-02-05T21:47:00.000-08:00

I’m getting more hits on my blog from people looking for info on unicru (See my earlier post). I told you this was going to become a problem. Click here to see a google search result of “pass unicru test”.

See also my possible strategies to pass the unicru test.

I ♥ Huckabees

2008-02-05T21:35:00.000-08:00

This is my new fav. I won’t talk much about the film. I just recommend you check it out. And certainly watch the director's commentary.

Interesting the timing of watching this movie. It came out in 2004. But had I watched this any earlier than a few weeks ago…well, it’s building on recent realizations that have been forming over the course of the last year or so.

Don’t believe everything you think.

2008-01-30T22:28:00.000-08:00

I saw this on a magnet. I liked it so I thought I’d put it up.

On the record…

2008-01-20T11:27:00.000-08:00

Ok, this is kind of a progress report of the past two weeks. I did my biology content test last weekend. It was, um…well, it was quite difficult, but it seemed about right for what you’d expect a biology teacher to know. I will need to take it again, but I’m glad to have had a run-through so I know what to expect next time. And, actually, it was fun to work though the problems, questions, scenarios and think in scientific terms again. I’m looking forward to studying more and taking it again.

This week I got signed up to take a CPR/First Aid course. This is also one of the requirements to become a certified teacher.

And…yesterday, I got my fingerprints taken and had them sent to the Superintendent of Public Instruction so they can do a background check with the FBI. So much for my plans of a life-altering…um, life.

So, yeah. There’s my report. I’ve taken it easy this weekend. Tomorrow I’ll start working on getting the biology test rescheduled. It’ll be a bit more of a process this time as I’ll need to ask for extra time on the test.

Also going to continue working on my teaching program application.

But that’s it for now.

If I were a Supervillain...

2008-01-09T21:11:00.000-08:00

So I'm putting this back up...only this time I didn't turn up as Dr. Doom. Not sure this is an improvment.

Again, I had a stronger correlation with my superhero personality (click here to see).

Your results:
You are Apocalypse

Apocalypse		46%
Venom		45%
Mystique		44%
Dr. Doom		43%
Dark Phoenix		42%
Catwoman		40%
Juggernaut		40%
Mr. Freeze		39%
The Joker		37%
Magneto		37%
Green Goblin		36%
Lex Luthor		33%
Two-Face		28%
Kingpin		27%
Riddler		22%
Poison Ivy		21%

You believe in survival of the fittest and you believe that you are the fittest.

Click here to take the Supervillain Personality Quiz

Update

2008-01-07T15:31:00.000-08:00

I um…ok, well first, Happy New Year…and I guess I never said Merry Christmas.

I went to Virginia over the Christmas…um, break. Not that I’ve been doing anything to take a break from. But it was still a nice (and much needed) break. Got to see my parents and visit a lot with my cousin. Also went up to DC to see my sister. So, yeah, it was good. Well, here, I'll put some DC pictures up.

New Years Eve, went up to Redmond (back here in Washington) and hung out with old friends. Also nice :)

In recent news, I took the first of the three tests to be admitted into the teaching program. This was the basic skills test with a reading, writing, and math section. Unfortunately, I didn’t complete the math in the time allotted. But that’s ok. I can take it again in March (just the math section. I’m certain I passed the reading and writing).

But still, feels good to get the reading and writing out of the way. This Saturday, I’ve got the biology test (for my endorsement in that subject). So, I’m studying like a mofo this week.

And at some point within the next 4 months, I’ll take the GRE. So just chipping away at this.

That’s all for now.

STD Proliferation Hypothesis (report of causality from a changing society)

2007-12-30T23:21:00.000-08:00

*I keep going back and forth between calling this a hypothesis and a theory. In lamens terms, it's a theory, but until I cite references to all my claims, I'm going to call this a hypothesis*

In case I start rambling and get off track, I’ll start with this outline:

1. demographics (ecological niche of STDs.)

2. contraceptives (changing intrinsic sexual incentives for women)

3. the change from an agrarian society, to an industrial society, to the information age, to the post-information age (in other words the change from a stable environment to an unstable one) resulting in the breaking down of marriage and monogamy.

Basically, I’m going to explain the ecological niche of STDs and how the human population is making a shift into this ecological niche (as unintended results of items 2 and 3 above) bringing about the rise in STDs.

I’ll start with the ecological niche of STDs.

It always bothered me that sex education in school (or rather, STD education as it should be called) didn’t really make good connections as to how a person really got STDs based on their behavior. Especially when you get information that says you only need to have sex once to get an STD. And although there are many scientific studies underway to determine if education is curbing the proliferation of STDs, the difficulties of objectively determining a population’s sexual behavior are apparent. In any case, STD’s seem to be on the rise.

So first of all, I’d like to focus on the STDs themselves and consider what ecological niche the pressures of natural selection would put them in to better make the connection of what behavior actually constitutes as being risky.

If you were an STD, and your survival and posterity depended on sexual contact and (especially in the case of viruses) being passed from host to host, in which population would you be more successful? In a population of people who never have sex or have one or very few life partners? Or are you going to do better in a population of people who are constantly changing partners?

That sets the spectrum. If we construct a hypothetical graph to demonstrate what the STD population might look like against an x-axis ranging from abstinent/monogamous to promiscuous, it might look something like this:

A population that is constantly changing sexual partners would make a very hospitable niche for STDs. I mean, abstinent people or monogamous couples cannot ensure the posterity of STDs. So they aren’t going to be successful among those groups.

This gives humans an incentive to be on the monogamous side of the spectrum. At least you would think so. But it isn’t STD’s that influences where people fall within the spectrum. It’s pregnancy.

Here’s a point that one of my biology professors made regarding sexual incentives in men and women. He posed the question, “How many babies can a woman have in one year?” Of course the answer (generally) is one. Then he asked, “How many babies can a man have in one year?” The answer is “as many as the number of women he impregnates.” You could argue the answer is zero since he doesn’t carry the baby, but the woman who has the one baby…that baby has a father, right?

And anyway that’s the point. The fact that men don’t have the responsibility of carrying the baby affects their sexual incentive relative to women’s. Pregnancy has no inherent incentive for a man to stay with one person. For women, however, pregnancy does create an inherent incentive to stay with one person.

This is where advances in contraceptives come into play. With effective contraceptives, this all but takes away the risk of pregnancy, which in turn changes the sexual incentive for women, making it more similar to men’s. In other words it gives women less incentive to stay with one person.

This brings about the unintentional consequence where a mutual lack of incentive to stay in one sexual relationship shifts the human population away from monogamy and into the ecological niche of STDs.

The degree to which the human population overlaps with the STD population is not drawn to scale. I’m more using this graph to illustrate a trend. If you look at this graph, you can probably get an idea of how effective (or ineffective) condoms will be at preventing the problem at hand if indeed the human population is shifting to the right. (This is taking into account condom failure rates. A 20% failure rate on the left side of the chart is not as potentially profound as a 20% failure rate on the right side.)

What should also be noted is that condoms and abstinence are only short term solutions to the problem of STDs. In fact, selling the idea that condoms and abstinence are the only solutions to preventing STDs creates some long-term problems.

The main one being that the posterity of the human race requires unprotected sex. If the human population shifts significantly into the ecological niche of STDs, and more people spend their younger years on the right side of the spectrum, and then later decide they want to settle down and have children, they’ll have to take those condoms off. But the thing is they’ll have already put themselves at risk from residing in the niche of STDs.

This probably doesn’t need to be stated but as for abstinence, it’s a fine short-term solution, but it’s unreasonable to expect someone will remain abstinent their entire life unless they plan to join a monastery or convent.

As I mentioned in the beginning of this post, contraceptives are not the only thing causing a shift away from monogamy. The movement away from an agrarian society to an industrial society, to the information age, to the post-information age (This term is from “The Deviant’s Advantage” by Watts Wacker and Ryan Mathews). Basically, this movement equates to a shift away from a stable environment towards an unstable environment.

I won’t go into great detail on this shift, but consider that in an agrarian society, you live on a farm. You’re there for life. Your environment doesn’t change, which gives you a sense of stability. You know who you are and your place in the world, because you really don’t have many options for other things you can do or places you can go. This kind of setup creates a stable foundation for marriage and family institutions.

The industrial revolution changed things, but there was still stability at least from the ability to have a job for life, which again, creates that stable foundation for a family.

Then there’s today, which Wacker and Mathews describe as the post-information age, where nothing is that stable as things change increasingly rapidly. As I’m sure you know, people don’t have job security anymore and they must not only change jobs often, but also change geographic location. Far removed from how things were set up in agrarian society.

The change of geographic location changes your perception of who you are and how others perceive you. Also changing your job can affect these respective perceptions as well, resulting in an inability to know who you are and your place in the world, because you have plenty of options now.

And if you have an inability to know who you are in the world as a result of the instability, it’s possible (or likely) your significant other has the same inability. With that in mind, it’s a wonder couples can stay together at all these days.

Of course, what I’m suggesting is that they can't (or at least are not, according to the divorce rate), which I’m suggesting is also what is shifting (or what will shift) the human population away from monogamy towards the niche of STDs.

Point being, proliferation of STDs is a bigger problem than condoms and abstinence can solve. Indeed, behavior seems to be more important.

Not sure if this is a profound idea. But I thought I’d post it. I know this is a pretty simplified picture of what is happening and that there are a lot of other factors that I haven’t gone into. But hopefully, this post has some useful insight. I may modify this post and add references later.

Unicru

2007-12-07T21:09:00.000-08:00

*Update. Read this post if you haven't already, but also see my possible strategies to pass the unicru test.*

Have you heard of this? It’s a personality profile questionnaire that large companies are asking…well, not asking, requiring prospective employees to answer to see if they fit into the company. I think it’s absolutely wrong, but what can I do. I won’t go venting about it. Instead I’ll post this article about it. This is from The Washington Post from, well, a couple years ago, so maybe this isn’t new to you. But click here to read it.

The thing about this test is that it’s asking questions that have nothing to do with one’s ability to perform the job in question. I’ve had to take these questionnaires for Costco, AMC (movie theater), and Blockbuster Video. A video store! I started looking online to see how this was affecting people’s ability to find work. And, indeed, I have found that some people are not qualified to work at a video store because they don’t have the right personality.

Looking at numbers, it’s a way for big companies to be more efficient at hiring quality workers by knowing all prospective employees’ flaws before they even walk into the interview room…if they even pass the personality test.

*sigh* …It’s like I’m living in a satire.

I’m beginning to get a little worried I won’t be able to find a disposable job while I’m waiting for the teaching program. Oh, wait. I shouldn’t say disposable because I might actually make a career out of working at a movie theater or video store…a job by its very nature is a summer job for high school students. AMC hasn’t called me by the way. Maybe I’m over-qualified, but honestly, if I’m in transition, I can’t be that picky. It’s still an honest job. Why shouldn’t I be allowed to work if I’m willing and able?

Anyway, that’s all I’m going to say about that. Check out the link to the article about this test. I think this will become a big issue in the near future.

Ok, I did go venting about it.

Yea! Flu season (>_<)

2007-12-02T20:59:00.000-08:00

Ugh. Just getting over the flu (of the stomach variety). I literally didn’t leave the house for three days.

Anyway I won’t go into that much. But it’s been interesting the remedies I’ve preferred the few times I’ve gotten sick since being back in the States. When I got sick in Japan and Taiwan, I missed the familiar remedies of the West, like chicken noodle soup. Instead I was introduced to….agh! Why am I talking like this? This is coming out all formal-like. I’ve been watching too much Jeeves and Wooster… Anyway, I was introduced to things like rice porridge (a lot of variations, but in its simplest form is just rice and water), miso soup, or like, some people in Japan recommended tamazake (that’s sake with raw egg in it).

And now, being back in the States, I have access to chicken noodle soup and whatever else people take here and…I don’t want it. The last couple of days I’ve been having rice porridge. And today, when I was finally able to go out to the store again, I bought some miso soup. Just had it tonight. I didn’t realize how much I missed it.

Anyway, yeah. So continuing on the last thing I wrote. I need to take some tests to be eligible for the teaching program. One is a basic skills test (reading, writing, math), one is the subject area content test (biology…and I think I need to take another for the particular school I’m applying for…I’ll probably choose math or maybe ESL), and the third is, well…that’s the GRE. I don’t need that test to get a certificate, but the school throws a Masters of Teaching in for a few credits more and roughly the same price. I mean, why would I not?

In addition to these tests, I need to take a CPR/First aid course and get my fingerprints taken and checked by the FBI. Fun. I’ve never had my fingerprints taken before.

In the meantime, I’m trying to find a whatever job for income. I thought I’d have an easy in at the cinema I often go to, but man, they’re taking a long time. I’m gonna laugh if they don’t take me. A lot of minimum wage places I’ve applied to are skeptical as to why someone who’s last three jobs have been teaching jobs wants to work for them. What do I tell them? Hmm…this reminds me of another entry I need to post.

Well, I’ll keep you posted on what happens. I got my study aids from Amazon so I can start studying for the tests. I imagine I’ll do that now since I’m feeling a bit better.

Oh yeah. It snowed like crazy yesterday. Didn’t stay, but for a little while it was sticking. It was December 1st, too. Nice timing.

New beginning

2007-11-28T15:33:00.001-08:00

Hmm… How should I start this? I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll just start writing and see what happens. Perhaps I’ll start with the blog title and the first two posts.

I was going to get away from the “between this and that” themes and title this blog “New Beginning(s)”. But I suddenly had the notion (after being a bit of a recluse) that if anyone were to ask me how I was doing, I would answer, “Somewhere between the worst I’ve ever been and the best I ever will be.” And, well, with the “between” in there, that just had Season 3 title written all over it. And so I made “New beginning” the title for this post…but not the first post because I wanted to bridge the last season with this one.

So, yeah. Well, to catch you up…my plans for becoming an international student advisor have pretty much come to an end. I’ve serendipitously fallen into the path of becoming a teacher. Apparently there is a nationwide shortage of biology and math (and ESL, and…well a bunch of the sciences) teachers in the high schools. This includes Seattle…the place I long to live.

I think most of you reading this already know the story. I was applying for Costco and, while filling out the application, just didn’t see myself working there. There were a lot of things that just kept bringing me back to the idea of teaching. I’d known about the possibility of combining my biology degree with my teaching experience overseas since I returned from Japan in ’05. But at the time, teaching was more a means of traveling than something I saw myself doing for a living. And…well, maybe this would be a better story to tell if I actually become a teacher.

Right. So the bulk of this season will be about the journey to getting accepted into the teaching program that starts this summer. I’ve checked with the nearby universities as well as the Education Standards Board of Washington and I’m apparently qualified. So that’s the direction I’m headed.

The main challenge for me here is…well, the tests to get in. But on the larger scale, it’s trusting what other people see in me rather than trusting entirely what I see in myself.

Ok. Welcome to Season 3 of the Killdeer Chronicles.

2046

2007-11-27T23:23:00.000-08:00

In the year 2046 a vast
rail network spans the globe

A mysterious train leaves
for 2046 every once in a while

Every passenger going to
2046 has the same intention

They want to recapture lost
memories

Because nothing ever changes
in 2046

Nobody really knows if
that's true

Because nobody's ever come back

Except me

- excerpt from 2046, a film by Wong Kar Wai